12/1/08

            On Tuesday November 25, 2008 I finally went to a counseling session with my mom. Things didn’t turn out as well as plan. When my mom and me walk into the room I told her straight up that I wanted to leave the house. But then my mom threatens me with the cops. Then she played a total role as a cranky gym coach. Then said “ I love your girlfriend too much to see her ruin her life by being with you…” that got me extremely mad and started cursing. The counselor then made a plan on the next Tuesday saying if I can prove I can live by myself for two months then my mom would leave me alone. The agreement is on so now I wait till tomorrow. 

11/17/08

Asian Media Access has helped me a lot this year with my own personal issue and my editing skills using photo shop, I had never used photo shop before until this recent summer of the year 2008. Finding tools and learning how to blend in the stuff was like super hard and paying attention to the cuts was like dang. Photos had never been really an interest for me but now it is kind of like a hobby if I could learn more and become more advance with using photo shop I would. Asian Media Access staff members really care for the students and participants of the program. For me my experience with all the staff was really nice. They all helped me whenever I got into a deep hole and I didn’t know what to do I’ll call and ask for help and they were there for me. The staffs play roles like BIG BROTHERS and BIG SISTERS to everyone and it looks like they want to see every one succeed on their dreams and become the best they can be. I was really depress this summer and this fall, but most of the staff members took off time to come and see me and just have a talk with me just to help out a friend. I was really glad and I don’t think I would of have been here today if it wasn’t for the STAFFS OF ASIAN MEDIA ACCESS.

11/24/08

            This fall when I fell into depression I ran away a few times and the staffs of Asian Media Access came looking for me. They called my friends house and drove around blocks looking for me. I had no clue why would they come looking for me, but they did anyways. Every time when I would have return home I would return to Asian Media Access and they would have a long talk with me. After the long talks they would always give me some good advises. Even though I knew I was going to get lecture I showed up anyways for some reason. My guess would be they have a big heart and they will not just give up.

11/17/08

A little story of how I meet with Asian Media Access. One day I was walking with a friend to his house after school and on our way he remember that one of my other friends said that he wanted to introduce us to this one program for youths. We thought we just give it a try. So when we reached my friends house we called our other friend and he said he was coming. When he came he was saying that the program was starting and we should hurry up. So we left in a hurry and turned out we had to walk so it was like dang it was far as heck but after a while we got use to it. He was telling us how like there was food and they have like pizza every Fridays and some doughnuts or bread thingy. So we were really excited for the food. When we showed up it was like kind of weird but then it got comfortable and we meet this staff name Kang and he was like very funny and got us laughing. Every Friday after that we began showing up and every time it got funner and funner.  

            Does smoking really help me? My answer for me is a yes others maybe not. I know how it is bad for your lungs but I still do it. Do I have cravings for a cigarette? Yes time from time I do but I don’t blame it on stress and it’s not that I have to it is just that I want to. The feeling for smoking I don’t really know how to explain but it is like you get light headed and then your muscle just relaxes and it felts good. The feeling of being light headed is when your head is so light you can feel yourself tipping like as if you were flying and when your muscle relaxes you just want to sit down and relax other wise it is like walking with heavy shoulders. I don’t like smoking alone but smoking in a group of friends is pretty fun. The main reason why it is better when you have a friend who is smoking with you is because it’s so lonely doing it alone. When you smoke in a group it is like you guys can do tricks release your muscles and just enjoy the taste in your throat.

         During my summer vacation I got a Job at Asian Media Access. My friends worked with me but later on we all got into a fight. Rumors started and things happen. Gang violence, drug abuse, drinking, and run away started became a habit for me.  I thought all was against me but yhea things happen.

         I started hanging around gang members and didn’t take it for a fact that I could have gotten gang related that way. People who even I don’t know knew of my name everywhere and said things that spread out to be known as wild rumors. I blamed it all on my friends and said yhea it was their fault because they were spreading the rumors about me but just to realize it now they warned me about it way before I started hanging out with my other friends.

         I started smoking weed not so long ago. I thought maybe if I got high I could’ve forgot some of the pain. Maybe I’ll feel better. It didn’t, I just got tried faster and found out it was a total waste of time. Then I switched with cigarettes and yhea it helped a bit. Bad for your health but I thought it wasn’t so bad. I still smoke sometime but not too much anymore.

         Drinking wasn’t a big issue for me. After my dad had left I felt good because I didn’t have to go to my cousins house no more and be forced to drink with them. Later on now I regret it. I tried getting drink every now and then just to see if I can get drunk and maybe forget the pain of living life. Yhea I know I’m kind of suicidal but yhea life is life no ones perfect.

         I started running away from home cause of all the rumors and people around me and yhea things just got tiring for me. Whenever I got home it didn’t feel like home and it still doesn’t. So I ran off from places to places hoping to find what was right for me. I still don’t like staying at just one place but I have to for now.

         I had serous issuer wrong with my life. Everything was chained together. I started smoking and hang out with smokers. Then I started drinking which I thought you know it could help you out some day by forgetting memories.